The problem is, I have never ‘succeeded’ at anything

I am gifted in learning.

I can pick up new concepts quickly, see patterns, and remember new information.  Over the course of my life, this has come in very useful in math, and with computers.  I really like to learn, which makes sense, since I am good at it.

This gift of learning has been great, but I have allowed it to cause discontent or wanderlust.

After I have learned everything new in a situation, I seem to get bored.  When I get bored, I am not gifted with the ability to just show up and grind through the monotony.  I think I like this about myself.  I am not really out to fight how I am wired, but being wired this way does cause issues.  I grow discontent, sometimes moving on, or changing things up.  This has resulted in me not being a ‘finisher’ or not really ‘succeeding’ at anything.  

So, while I think it is fine for me to not be wired to settle into a groove of the same thing day after day, I think the lack of finishing has negatively affected me.   I am so used to not focusing for long enough to really experience success, that I now simply assume I will not be successful, at least on a subconscious level.  Over time I have taken this to the level that  I actually cause myself to not be successful.  How I do this is ‘The struggle’.  It’s only after quite a bit of deep thought, combined with some pints, that I have begun to understand this.  I am sabotaging* (This is not the cool Sabatoge as seen in the Beastie Boys video) myself, to make my self-image of ‘not succeeding’ come true.  Somehow, and it doesn’t make any sense, but over time I have become afraid to succeed!?!  How did I do that to myself?  How do I fix that?  That’s pretty messed up!

Wait a minute, if I am working against myself, who is working for me?  Shit!  So, it’s great that I realize this, I am sure that is the first step.  I just wish I had the 2nd step ……..

2 Thoughts to “The problem is, I have never ‘succeeded’ at anything”

  1. I used to be very much like this. Still am in many ways, but getting better at doing one thing at a time and getting better at following through. There’s a book called The Renaissance Soul, which is basically about life management for people with too many interests or people that get that wanderlust and want to jump from subject to subject. I honestly can’t vouch for the quality because I can’t remember a lot of it, but I remember it helped me at the time. It deals with how to structure your life to use that trait as an advantage rather than have it bring you down.

    1. Matt: Thanks for the recommendation. Wow, reading the description, and some reviews, it sounds eerily like me! I picked it up, and put it on the reading list, I will comment back here after I read it, not sure when that will be though. My only fear is that I can’t see an answer for someone like me, where 7 people rely on my income, but I’ll see what it has to say, it looks good, thanks again!

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