What keeps me tepid? Fear ….

Day 1 – A good start, but I usually follow that with a crash.

Okay, today it’s 10:45am.  I am taking a short break to write this.  I have had a very great, focused start to my morning.  Seems good so far, and it is.

However, I have been able to put together quite a few of these ‘good starts’ in the past.

  • But …. I don’t seem to be able to continue through the rest of day consistently.
  • But …. I don’t seem to be able to repeat multiple days in a row.

Why?  Many reasons, but mostly fear.  Fear has a very strong hold on me.  Fear of not doing well, of not succeeding.  I even know that this fear is a self-fulfilling prophecy.  The fear causes me to shrink back from doing my best.  When I don’t do my best, of course I don’t succeed and my fear has caused the very thing I fear to come true!  I just hosed myself over!  Many days I seem powerless to fight the fear.  The fear is there telling me:  ‘Well if you don’t really try, then you don’t really fail either, since you were never in the game.’  So I float through day after day without engaging.

So here I am, getting this all out in the open, trying to break the power of this fear.   One method I learned was not to run from the fear into busyness, but instead stay and explore my fear:  Thanks Leo & Zen Habits!  (http://zenhabits.net/fear-not/)

I am trying this right now, and I will update this post later today ….

<Later in the day>

I am back, and the day is almost done.  Above, I noted that while I can sometimes start the day well, I very often cannot continue through the rest of my day, focused and motivated.  Today, I stared at my fears a number of times, said ‘Hello’ to them, hung out with them for a little bit, and realized they weren’t really all that bad.  Fear started to blanket me, as it does.  I wanted to bury myself in busyness, like answering emails, reading articles, etc.  But today I did not run from it, and I realized, my fears really didn’t hurt me, they weren’t that big of a deal, even though they definitely felt overwhelming at first.

So, a successful day, right to the end.  A great start!  But it has been done before, and usually I follow it up with a bad day.  It’s happened so many, many times, it makes me wonder:  Why?  I need to remember that my fears were not near as suffocating as they seemed.  It’s kind of like in Scooby Doo, where they unmask the scary monster, and surprise, it’s really the only other character in the show.  Not so scary anymore!  (And you never saw that twist coming, even after the 100th time.)

The Question:  Can I do this again tomorrow?

– I Am Stuck in Life

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